it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
