We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Bring me that man meat
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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