she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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