a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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