currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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