she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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