Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
