winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
