he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
