It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
