imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
