apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
