i was born a porn star she said
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
