I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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