how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
