since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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