she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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