Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
