Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
