I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
