I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
