about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
