I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
