if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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