You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
