Already got asked if we're dating
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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