I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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