I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
