How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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