Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
