Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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