I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
North Korea, Best Korea!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
