I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
