Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
