please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
