I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
