While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
