i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
