Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
