I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
