mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
