I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
