I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
