I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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