why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
