If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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