When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The adults are the big ones right?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
