god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
