If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I got inside last night via doggy door
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
