My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
